The process of downsizing from a large family home to a smaller one or other alternatives (i.e. a family member's home, apartment, RV park, nursing home, or assisted care facility) can bring both joy and heartbreak to those involved.
Although new relationships, activities, and (hopefully) less isolation and yard/house work may be on the horizon, aging elders still face the emotional and time-consuming endeavors of sorting through the treasures (and clutter) of the family home as well as potentially giving up at least part of their independence.
So how can you help? We've looked into the best resources available to bring you top shelf ideas on ways to to assist your beloved elder with one of the most challenging parts of their lives.
There are a lot of preparatory checklists out there, and we've gathered the 10 most important list items - tailor your own with tentative deadlines in mind.
Additionally, keeping a "master notebook" on plans and progress can help keep stress levels low as work gets completed and ideas/concerns pop up. Involve your elder in tasks and prepping as much as is reasonably possible, and remember first and foremost: this is their home.
This is not a time for rushing, if it can be prevented. Don't try to cover the whole house in one day. Instead, shoot for short sessions of 2 - 3 hours or less over a long period of time - meaning several months, at least.
Start in rooms with the least emotional attachment (i.e. usually not the basement, attic, or garage, where items of high sentimental value tend to accumulate). Plan for days when other events aren't looming and trips aren't planned and pencil them into your schedule.
And remember: downsizing on belongings can take place without an actual move date in mind, as well - it's great to get rid of clutter regularly so that when you really do decide to move, there is much less to sort through.
Let your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. know what you're working on and invite them to be part of it, if possible.
At the very least, let grown family members know that downsizing grandma's house includes getting rid of things, including but not limited to, their favorite childhood items and keepsakes currently in storage in grandma's basement.
This means if they want those old prom dresses, school projects, or sports trophies, the time to grab them is now approaching!
Every moment doesn't have to be sad if you and the other family members keep things light with a cookout/picnic dinner, visit to the neighborhood cafe, or even a wine-tasting at the end of each sorting session.
Bring a radio, snacks, and grandma's favorite root beer along each time. Are kids coming with you? If so, consider that grandma's hall closet may not have all the old stacks of board games in it anymore - and she may or may not have WiFi.
Keep a tote of toys or other treats ready to grab as you head out the door, with crayons/coloring books, music players with headphones, bubbles, fruit roll-ups, goldfish crackers, sidewalk chalk, etc. to keep the young ones entertained while you work. Double up on this if you'll be staying the night.
Plan ahead a little for what you'll need to bring along each day, especially if you're travelling a significant distance to grandma's house. If it's "Basement Day," remember to bring a fan or extra light bulbs to get through the hours - and consult others for what they might be bringing.
You may need a space heater or extra sweater for chilly attic day or a battery-powered radio for garage day - and what about a fresh box of garbage bags, cleaning supplies, markers or packing tape? Jot down a list and grab a few things next time you're at the store, then pop them into a to-go bag to bring with you on sorting days.
Have a plan in mind on how much downsizing you're actually doing. If you have some idea of the size of the new home, you can eyeball how much stuff needs to go and what can be kept/distributed amongst siblings/donated to charity/sold in a garage sale, etc.
Clearly labeling the contents of each box, with arrows pointing which side up, can help tremendously with unpacking. Some people even color code boxes with stickers for more efficient sorting - using green for donation boxes, yellow for moving with grandma, and red for taking to Aunt Judy's, for example.
Tidying up or even thoroughly cleaning each area as you finish it can help save time later when moving day arrives.
As you think of things, write them down in your master notebook, making sure to review it periodically as you flip pages. Make a point to write certain deadlines and other items prominently on calendars to be sure you see them in the months ahead - like scheduling movers, transferring magazine subscriptions, reminding Aunt Judy about her stuff in the attic, donating books to the library, dropping donations off at the Salvation Army, and shutting off utilities.
Have your boxes or bags labelled and ready, and have packing materials (like old newspapers) on hand for breakables. One box could be marked for charity or "donation," the second for "Aunt Judy's," and the third for "moving with Grandma" - while the last is reserved for a trip out to the dumpster or a box designated for a garage sale or eBay.
As the Marie Kondo method goes, you should pick up an item one by one. If it doesn't bring you joy, you should get rid of it. If not, donate the items in good shape and trash the ones that aren't.
Simply start at one side of the room and pick up each item, look at it, then place it in the correct box. You may speed this up at certain times, or slow it down at others. Customize it for your needs as you go.
If you're sorting through a huge pile of stuffed animals, for example, you may be able to sift through for keepers and drop the remaining few armfuls into a charity box without scrutinizing each one. If the items were handmade by Great Grandma Grace, however, the task may require a closer look and a few more minutes. Pace yourself!
If you've got more than one juicer, six crock pots, and four different sized cookie sheets, it's time to consider the benefits of charity. Also: is grandma going to have a kitchen where she's moving? If not, encourage Aunt Judy and the siblings to choose up items as they visit and donate the rest to those in need.
Additionally, have only "Yes" or "No" piles/boxes. No "Maybes." Otherwise, you'll find the "Maybe" pile ends up being most of the house. So, if there's a bunch of stuff you can't decide on keeping or tossing, grab a niece or nephew and put them to task. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes can make those difficult choices when we aren't feeling up to it.
We don't say this often, but in this case - save time and sort the papers and photographs later. Unless they are piled to the ceiling, it makes more sense to pack up files of a certain type (you may need to go through some of it as it pertains to the selling of the house, etc. now, however) and picture albums for grandma to sort once happily moved into her new home.
Ask your elder if they have plans for special things you've always wanted if they are definitely moving and won't be needing it in their new home. A huge grandfather clock you hold dear or the fragile tea set packed away in the attic might as well find their new home with you now rather than later if grandma approves.
If something seems perfect for another family member, why not mention that as well? One move for an item is better than two if it can be handled tactfully.
Most importantly, remember to remain sensitive to all. Try not to haggle too hard over belongings and aim to keep the distribution of family treasures thoughtful and fair. Remember this loved one is facing the least celebrated phase of their life while siblings are looking at losing lifelong comforts like regularly returning to their old neighborhood, family home, and bedroom. Treat the events surrounding those changes with the respect and love they deserve - and have earned.
When you're all done sorting through the house, you're ready to get rid of the stuff you don't want. But be careful - it's easy to accidentally fall victim to a scam or trap.
When selling items online, especially high value items, be careful on Craigslist and other free sites. While many have had successful sales on such sites, others have been scammed and worse when going to meet strangers in hopes of selling or purchasing high end belongings.
These types of exchanges are best done in settings with plenty of witnesses, such as busy public spaces during bright daylight hours or even the local police department parking lot - if you call them ahead of time, many will give permission.
Don't forget to bring someone with you and never go alone. If you get the slightest bad vibe from the person over the phone or the situation at all, call it off - better safe than sorry!
Be wary of receiving payments on cards or over PayPal, etc. Cash is best, and making sure large bills are legit with a counterfeit detector pen is even better - you can get 3 of them for less than $10 here.
Word to the wise: Drive straight to the bank and deposit large amounts without stopping to shop or otherwise get out of your vehicle - this minimizes the risk of your being followed and robbed by anyone who knows you just received a large amount of cash.
Once you've sorted through the house and sold, donated, or trashed any unwanted items, the next step is the actual move. While some families can tackle the move by themselves, here are some resources if you want to leave the moving to the professionals.
If you're finding the task particularly daunting, you may want to consider enlisting the services of a qualified "senior move manager." These folks will do as much or as little as you need, taking on the parts you find overwhelming and tailoring their work to your family's needs.
The National Association of Senior Move Managers understands the unique challenges associated with this type of endeavor, and has individuals trained in safety and ethics as well as screened for proper insurance and experience ready to help out as needed.
Over 1,000 professional moving companies hire from and partner with NASMM currently, with someone in nearly every community nationwide. You can search by entering your zip code here to find a Senior Move Manager near you.
As your work unfolds, keep an eye out for discounts specifically related to senior relocation. We found a few you may like:
National chains like Two Men and a Truck sometimes offer senior-tailored moving services, including packing and unpacking. Two Men and a Truck promises to keep the company's GRANDMA RULE ® in mind whenever hired to help your loved one relocate. This rule comprises the need "to treat everyone the way you would want your grandma to be treated," and was coined after the company founder's own mother, "Grandma Eb."
This company offers a 5% discount for seniors on local moves, and has a long-distance moving program called "New Beginnings" for seniors moving farther away. The New Beginnings program offers:
Offers discounted moving rates to seniors moving in the Michigan area.
This company offers a specialized senior relocation services package, which includes:
Offers "special discounts" for seniors.
Do a quick search of your area for senior-based relocation services and/or discounts near you!
Others offer discounts for AARP members, like Budget Truck Rentals, and free quotes like Xpress Movers; Senior Moving Services, as well as customized plans like Atlas' Moving Services for Seniors which includes a free moving kit with boxes and packing supplies, and Arpin's 50+ Plan, featuring complimentary mini-packing containers, discounted valuation services, and free "first night" unpacking. In our opinion, it would be wise for all moving companies to offer a senior discount, so give the ones near you a call and find out how much they're willing to deduct for your beloved senior!
Other companies plan, coordinate, and supervise all aspects of a move with a completely hands-on service. From floor planning and downsizing to picture hanging and making the beds, they take care of every detail.
Typical services include floor planning, sorting and decision making, professional packing, mover arrangements, and complete unpacking and resettling on moving day (beds made, pictures hung, boxes removed).
There are several new scams out there in the moving industry. One of them involves people posing as professional movers, quoting you a very low rate, loading your belongings onto their truck - and then driving away and holding it all "hostage" until you pay a very high rate which was never quoted.
If you don't pay it, they keep your belongings. The best way to avoid being ripped off in a scam like this is to always make sure your moving company has all of the following:
Each in-state moving company will be licensed by the State Department of Transportation, State Association, or the Bureau of Consumer Affairs. Out-of-state movers should be licensed by the Federal Department of Transportation.
Check the BBB for any complaints against the company you wish to use.
Check for a legitimate business address on the company. Only having a website - or even less than that - can be a red flag.
Legitimate companies should be able to quote you an estimated amount in writing, including all fees, and dates of loading up at the old address and delivery to the new address. If you have any extremely heavy, fragile, or large items to be moved, bring that to their attention up front.
Employees should not pressure you or speak negatively against other companies in order to secure the sale. All employees should be covered under Workers Compensation insurance where applicable. If you feel the least bit uneasy about a moving company or employee, look elsewhere.
It can be very helpful to read through the reviews of other customers on sites like Yelp, but keep in mind these reviews should never super-cede the importance of a mover having a legitimate company address, proper licensing and insurance, and providing estimates in writing.
The best of all referrals is, as it always has been, from people you know personally and trust. That's how we found our recent movers and we couldn't be happier with their work. If you're lucky enough to know people who have moved in recent months, ask them for guidance.
On a side note, keep an eye out for cheap boxes and moving supplies as your day nears. If your friend recently moved, they may have boxes left over you can borrow or buy from them cheaply.
These ideas are intended to start you off from an informed position as you begin sorting and preparing to downsize with your elder. It certainly doesn’t cover every possible scenario or give you every single bit of information you might need. What’s your experience been like? Which businesses have been helpful or offered great deals to your senior elder when moving? Let us know in the comments below - and good luck to you and them!
